Darkness and Faith.

Last darkness to exist, waves of sarrow and regret wash over me continually, never abating, merely getting stronger. I push, knowingly deeper into the abyss that has become my life. The darkness pulls, oh, it's strength is not to be underestimated. That is how it traps you, how it trapped me. It slowly engulfs your soul, so slowly, that up to the lasat moment one believes they can still simply step away. The Trap! It is not so. It has already laid claims to your soul, there is no turning back, no way out.

Lost in the darkness, not a fun place to be. There is no light to illuminate your path, all thereis for you to do is wander, aimlessly searching for our purpose that seems to elude us. Except blessed few. Only some seem to have their destiny revealed to them. I know it seems unfair. Why do some have a light and other are left to wander? THat question seems to plauge many. But is their a definite answer or is it as ambiguous as the path of our life in darkness. Ever notice how those who know their destiny act. They are focused and secure, nothing can shake them from thier course. They stay the course. They know theiry heart and their dream and absolutely nothing can stand in thiery way. All obstacles are viewed as growing experiences, thing that will be overcome. Contrast how, those without the light or knowledge of destiny.

They wander aimlessly, any obstacle will simplly stop them in their tracks, they have no drive or will to succed. They are content to quit, content to never try. Blaming it on their background on how they never had a choice. How thier life was preselected but then that implies a destiny, so how can that be? Why does it fold back on itself. They are truly lost, but not how they believe. It is their choice to be lost, then there is a light waiting to guide them, but only if they choose. They must reach outside themselves, they must reach for and want the light. It won't come to you if you do nothing unless you are one of the blessed. Providence is no awarded to the inactive. It takes action and faith. Yes, faith, let's make another step into the world of abstractness. What is faith, it can be defined as belief in things unseen, belief that....


and that is where i apparently ran out of room on my airline napkin.

My Teenage Love Affair lol

you don't know how you make me feel. i think i'm over you, only just to find that i'm a little bit deeper, a little bit more in love with you.

every little action, every little move, it's just you. i love you.

there are no words, nothing that expresses how you make me feel. when i'm with you, all i want to do is laugh, when i'm with you, all i want to do is stay safe in you arms, when i'm with you all i want to do it love you.

i know no matter ewhat, when or where, i can talk to you. i love how you listen to me, even when it's all so stupid. you listen to my rants, and put up with my teasing. i love you. you're brave and safe and strong for me.

Suicide.

Dear Linsey,

This will probably come as a shock to everyone, the fact that I have decided to end my life.

Pointless.
Everyone has reasons for what they do,
Not many realize it, do you?
Life spins quickly by, hiding some in obscurity
While bringing others into focused clarity.

Showing every detail, that makes them who they are.
No matter how they try to rid themselves of it, a drink at the bar
Brings back full circle, the cruelness of likfe.
The endless disappointment and strife.

THE NEXT FEW...

The next few blogs are just things I wrote a very long time ago. I don't even remember how long ago, because some of them weren't dated. But i assure you, they were written long, long ago!

Interesting.

The footsteps. I see my path, it runs back, crazy and wndering. Up and down, going sideways, front and back.

I look back as the tide rolls in, erasing my footprints...erasing me?

I walk on and on. Trudging through life, only to turn and watch the timeless, unchanging time wipe my steps away.

We walk,hand in hand down along the shore. In the fading light, we alk together unassuming in out happiness. The sun sets, the sun rises. We go on blissfully unaware of the consistent waves, lapping at our heels, erasing our past. Walking high upon the shore, moving away from the waves.

Things get rocky. Splittig ways, I wander back down, down to the shore. Glancing back, yet again-the waves do not reach the rocks, unable to erase my steps, the pain lingers.

My heart grows heavy. My feet drag, I wander closer to the edge of the shore, closer and closer to the edge of the shore. No longer walking close to the edge. But in the ocean, leaving no trace, always going deeper and deeper into the numbing cold.

The place of mindless repetition.

Knowing God (July 19)

"Then God spoke to Moses, telling him, 'I am Yahweh, I appeared to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as GOd Almighty, but I did not make My name Yaweh known to them'" -Exodus 6:2-3

A God has walked with His poele through the generations, He has progressively revealed His nature according to His purposes and teh needs of His people. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob knew Him as God Almighty, because they needed His mighty power to pretect them from thie ememies. Moses and the Israelites learned that God was Lord, Master over every nation and every thing. God not only delivered them from the most powerful ruler in teh world, but also brought them into the pRomised Land. They came to experience Him as Lord, preeminently powerful over the pagan gods of their day.

God will contintue to reveal His character to you according to your needs and according to His purposes. You will come to know more and more about Him as you obey Him. When you grieve, He will come to you as Comforter. When you are in need, He will demonstrate that He s the Provider. When you face a serious challenge, He will reveal that He is God Almighty.

Your understanding og God's character ought to be greater now than when you first became a Christian. You ought to know Him today better than you did five years ago. Sadly, some Chritsians continue to live year after year with the same basic knowledge of God that they had when they first began walking with him. Whatever your present situation, view it in the light of what God is teaching you, through circumstances, about Himself and you will come to know God in dimensions you have know Him before.

Experiencing God Day by Day: A Devotional Journal.

A work in progress.

Sitting, sitting, under the tree,
wandering, wandering, in my mind.
The thoughts flow,
one to another, unceasingly.

Hate, such a strong word.
An even stronger feeling.
Deeply cemented into my heart...
unable to root it out.

Betrayal,

Lies. Everywhere, everyone.
No one is left unaffected.
The withering touch, pulls,
pulls apart families and lives.